Carlisle

"Stand in the place where you live

Now face North

Think about direction

Wonder why you haven’t before

Stand in the place where you work

Now face West

Think about the place where you live

Wonder why you haven’t before."

The above is taken from REM's song "Stand" on their Green album. Now I don't know about you but I find this song incredibly irritating. Not only because it is incredibly catchy and sticks in my head all day long if I hear it, but also because of the sentiment. OK, maybe the average person is unobservant and doesn't notice the world around them, BUT I DO!

For example today it's bloody cold and windy which is fairly typical for Carlisle. John Watts cafe was pumping out the usual smell of burning teacakes but is in fact the delightful (if slightly overpowering) scent of roasting coffee. Marks and Spencers fire alarm was going off (I don't know if there was actually a fire) so there were huge crowds of people milling around outside and it meant I couldn't buy a salad there for my lunch. There were quite a few books about freemasonry in the window of Oxfam which made me curious as to who had donated these.

However, there was no sign of either of the mad women that wander around town - Scary Mary, an alcoholic with mental probelms who is rather threatening and looks like a troll, and the one who is rather more refined, have seen her wear a dead fox scarf thingy round her neck and keeps her money in an old metal OXO tin.

Scary Mary has threatened a friend of mine with a metal nail file, has caused a ruckus in Scope charity shop (while I tried not to laugh at her) as she threatened to go to the police about one of the volunteers making a gesture behind her back, which her "friend" saw (the volunteer had made a wafting motion in front of her nose to indicate that Scary Mary stank of drink) and, has sprayed an aerosol in the eyes of a bus driver when he refused to let her on the bus as he knew what she was like. Apparently she is also known for "aggrevated begging" - blocking peoples way and not letting them pass until they give her money.

I'm sure that there must be other strange people in Carlisle that I have yet to meet and I look forward to observing them, I just hope that they leave me alone!